Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.
- Neil Gaiman (English born American Author of “The Sandman”, b.1960)
Ok, I don’t hate love. But is love really an overrated factor in life? No, I need to be more specific here. Not love in general, but that love you have for a special someone. That’s the one am talking about. Let's see...
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Is the friendship turning to something more?
After much brooding and brain scrambling, you come to a conclusion.
Yes, am in love.
You look around. You see yourself in a wonderland, filled with green meadows, beautiful flowers, clear blue sky, crystal clear stream, butterflies fluttering by. You search for someone you can break this new discovery to. And finally when you do, they all flaunt you. Make fun of you. Feel happy for you. Or maybe even feel jealous of you. But you don’t care. You get on with your newfound life. Your new found interest. Your love.
The first few months, everything goes great for the two of you. It’s just love everywhere you go and in everything you do. And why not? You are best of friends, now more than that. But as life goes on, things start changing. Something seems different every time you care to look around. The wonderland has fewer flowers. There are signs of a thundershower in the sky. The stream is much drier than it ever was. You don’t understand why. You suddenly seem to be too obsessed with your love. Your best friend is now someone you often have arguments with. Sometimes even fight with. Somewhere along the way, you left the fact that your love was your best friend who stood by you through it all. You tend to find faults with that person which you never cared about earlier. Sometimes that ends up in turning you whole life into a hellhole. One fine day you decide 'maybe we should be just friends'.
And that’s where you end. Just friends. Not even the best friends you used to be. It’s a total fall out. The question is, why?
Why is it that we tend to hurt the person we love so much?
Why is it that as friends we have no reservations whatsoever but as lovers things change between the same pair?
Why is it that as friends we understand each other better but as lovers we seem to have so many misunderstandings?
I know what you must be wondering now. “What happened to this guy? Did he breakup with his girlfriend or something?” Oh, no. Never. But we did go through some bad phases. And at times I even thought I shouldn’t be ruining her life like this. I thought maybe I should let her go ‘coz she’s never gonna be happy with me. I told her that I got such thoughts. And she asked me if I could actually get her out of my system.
I thought about it (just for a second, heehee).
Hell. No. I can never get her out of my thoughts. I go nuts if I don’t see her even a day. She’s my dream. How can I ever let go of that?
And she told me, neither can she.
And we were back to being normal people again :)
Somebody had asked me, is it really worth being in a relationship? Sure there are quite some moments filled with love that you may cherish, but so often you have problems cropping up and you end up hurting each other. Is it worth all the trouble just to enjoy those few nice moments?
Yes. It is worth all that and more...for me atleast. Even though we have had so many bad moments and have been at the verge of killing each other (exaggeration, kindly note...we ain't that bad ;) ) the fact remains that the moments we cherish are the best we have ever had and will anytime overlay the bad moments. Like the warm hug after "settling a fight". That is so amazing, that no matter how bad or stupid the fight was, everything disappears...just like that.
The difference between friendship and love is how much you can hurt each other. I feel, instead of just falling in love with your friend, maybe you should try befriending the person you love too. I don’t know if that’s how it works, but it ought to, right?
I have a fool in me. One who feels too much, talks too less, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. I need to tame this fool. And life can be a lot better. It’s a thought worth trying. I would, 'coz I dont hate love.
And my special someone, is really worth it.
Like someone said,